I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
