Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
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i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
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I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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