i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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