Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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