No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
