mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
