This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
i've created a new STD.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
