My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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