normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
