I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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