He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
