Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
