I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
