she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
