I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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