Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
sex in a hospital.. check
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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