My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
