I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
