No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
