If i come over, it means nothing
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
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