When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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