i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
