dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
