so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
