I just cut my nipple shaving
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
