I'm going to jail i love you
Just fell off a train. Bad.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
How many fucks given?
0.12846
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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