Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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