Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
