Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
