He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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