I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
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