jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
