Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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