I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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