I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
