I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
