How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
