So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
