hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
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Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
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