fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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