Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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