Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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