If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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