Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
