So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
