My liver just broke up with me...
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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