I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
