Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
