so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize