And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Randomize
