I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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