I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
