brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
