No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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