All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
