this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
We need to feng shui this bitch.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
