We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
