does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
