forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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