I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
i drank out of a bidet.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
