i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
NoShamevember. You game?
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
