you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
