Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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