Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize