if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
