i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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