Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
