you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
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