My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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